pixeflutters:

pixeflutters:

gangstatier:

anya-onymous:

According to my mother it’s “rude and ignorant” to be uncomfortable around babies.

Babies are rude and ignorant.

fuck babies

dont fuck babies

+ 151377

amenparis:

If you close your eyes right before Mrs. George’s new boobs hit, your brain will think that you have died. Some people find calmness in this.

arrogantdad:

my mom told me that in high school she use to get boyfriends at the beginning of February so they had enough time to get her a valentines day gift and then break up with them the day after and just keep the gift and one day she told her parents about it and they made her keep her boyfriend at least until the end of February and so she did and that boy is now my dad

+ 379047

dontbedead:

when i find myself in times of trouble
ellen degeneres comes to me

yellfang:

party-at-the-tardis:

shavingryansprivates:

why the fuck is every nursery rhyme about people dying

  • the london bridge is falling down and probably crushing pedestrians
  • ring around the rosie pockets full of posie ashes ashes we all get obliterated by the black plague
  • it’s raining it’s pouring the old man is snoring he bumped his head and fucking died

and fucking died

humpty dumpty committed suicide

jack fell down a hill and cracked his skull

A BABY FELL OUT A TREE

+ 182550

deluminator:

deluminator:

i try not to sound like an asshole but it’s really hard because i am an asshole

my mom texted me a facebook screenshot of this today and said ‘sounds like something you would say LOL’ like u have no idea mom 

+ 480387

juniorbizarre:

how did i forget about this i’m crying

birdschoolforbirds:

nah son, i ain’t got no snapchat. I’m old-fashioned. just fax it to me. fax me the nudes.

+ 57458

ammit420:

*lawyer voice* eat a dick, your honor

+ 146114

agentbering:

jessepumpkin:

i can only handle so much socializing until i get tired and start getting irritated towards everyone and want to go home and sleep or lock myself in my room and go on the computer

+ 169668

foxxies:

I do homework the way guys fall in love with me - slowly, then not at all

+ 18736